Play Nice: how to invite good karma

In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.
We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
— Albert Schweitzer

I love the movie, “Pay It Forward” and if you haven’t seen it, I strongly suggest it. The theme is “acts of kindness” and it is a self-esteem boosting idea. What is more spiritually uplifting, then offering emotional encouragement to someone who could benefit?

I know, our lives are busy. There are bills to pay, homework to be done, the boss wants the portfolio in two hours, finances are tight, you’re chauffeuring two kids to two different sporting events, it’s time for your bi-annual month-long cruise to Majorca, and why should I give away my hard-earned money?

Well, well.

I’m not talking about time-consuming or money-consuming acts of charity. I’m talking about little gestures that remind us, “He’s a person, too”…or she.

What I am talking about are acts that have the potential to remind others that they are worthy of care.

Right now, I’m stealing a stellar list from Oprah.com (and I added ideas of my own):

• Say ‘good morning’ to a person standing next to you.
• Pay the toll for the driver behind you.
• Pay for a random diner’s meal.
• Take a moment to direct someone who is lost even though you are in a hurry.
• Write a letter to a child who could use some extra attention; kids love getting mail.
• Offer to pick up groceries for an elderly lady, especially in extreme weather.
• Give a homeless person a gift certificate to the grocery store.
• Put a coin in an expired meter.
• Help a mother carry her baby stroller up the subway stairs, or hold the door for her.
• Each time you get a new item of clothing, give away something old.
• Bring your assistant coffee.
• Out of the blue, send flowers to a friend.
• Say “please” and “thank you” and mean it.
• When you’re on a crowded bus or train, offer your seat to someone who is elderly, disabled, or pregnant.
• Give a genuine compliment to a stranger.
• If the server is at the end of a shift, ask him or her to join you and then buy them a meal.
• Call or write a teacher who changed your life.
• Bring a box of doughnuts to share at the office.
• Say “I’m wrong” when you “are wrong.”
• When you’re wrong, apologize.
• When you say, “How are you?” be prepared to listen.

There is nothing more self-esteem boosting than giving a part of yourself to someone else; in fact, I think the giver gets more than the getter.

One of the most beautiful acts of kindness is focusing on another person’s humanity. Have you ever watched a stranger sitting at a table alone, talking to a friend, serving other people, feeding the birds, hurrying across the street. For me, it feels good to know that the person I am watching exists and it is humbling that I get to be a part of their history, if even for a moment. The reason I list these actions as “acts of kindness” is because they train our mind to care for other people so that when we do encounter others, then we instinctively focus on them with interest.

Compassion is …
… the greatest act of kindness.

Just now I am thinking of a client who needed much compassion …

When one of my juvenile offending clients was confronted for making a mistake, he would put up an emotional wall of defense. I can see him now standing in our group circle with a sullen expression, red-faced, clenched hands, rigid posture, and a look that could kill. For someone who is unwilling or untrained to pull back the emotional layers of this client to see the origin of his problem, it would have appeared that he was belligerent, uncaring, and self-absorbed, but that is not the case. The fact is that the idea that he was wrong had been reinforced throughout his life. He was physically and verbally abused. He was ashamed of his mistakes. His father beat him. His mother belittled him. Beatings and harsh words were a dominant form of communication in his home life. Later, he was involved with gang members who communicated the same way and worse. As I talked with this boy and as he was taught to communicate his feelings appropriately, it was discovered that he felt like he was “not a good person” and “inferior.” He actually made these statements.

It pains me to think that anyone is ever made to feel this way. It hurt to watch the pain on my client’s face, to watch his anger knowing so much hurt was behind it. It hurt to watch his eyes tear up as the anger melted and his personal hurt surfaced. At that point, I made it a personal goal to remind my clients — at the time they made a mistake — that they were good, they were worthy, the problem could be worked out, and they were accepted no matter what.

My ultimate goal is to teach the people I meet how to “care” for the existence of others, especially the belligerent person who’s anger is directed at you. These humans especially need compassion and the only way you will teach angry people how to communicate respect is with the tool of compassion.

Act with kindness. I promise, you won’t regret it.

In what ways have you acted with kindness? In what ways has kindness been shown to you? I’d like to know. Please share.