It’s not easy for most humans to experience rejection. For those who lack self-confidence and a secure self-identity, rejection can cast a shadow of doubt on one’s abilities and self-worth. Whether in personal relationships, career pursuits, or creative endeavors, rejection can feel like a sharp sting to the heart.
Two reasons that most people avoid rejection is because they fear rejection, or they fear retaliation from rejection. In my younger years, rejection was painful for me, because I took rejection as a personal indicator that there was something wrong with me. Also, if I rejected someone else, then I feared retaliation.
What is a way that we can reject or say ‘No’ to an invitation and still preserve respect for both parties involved?
One way to Reject with Respect, is to say, “I’m going to pass this time, but I appreciate your offer.” Just that – no more, no less – you don’t need to give an excuse or additional information. This approach is straightforward, calm, and it kindly asserts your boundaries while respecting all parties involved.
The Importance of Providing Closure
What is the reason that you would want to provide closure by saying “I’ll pass this time, but I appreciate the offer”? The reason is respect for both parties – respect for you and respect for the person that you are addressing.
When you avoid or “ghost” another person, then you are demonstrating emotional immaturity, which is low-emotional intelligence, fear, a lack of self-confidence, and inferior communication skills. If you struggle with ghosting people, then this is something you can work on if you would like to enjoy successful relationships. It’s like the saying goes, ‘give respect to get respect’ and it’s always a good time to practice good manners.
Bring Professionalism to Your Personal Life
Think about it this way – in my role as a recruiter, one of my job duties was to find and interview qualified candidates. If the candidate is rejected by the hiring manager, then I am the one who provides closure. What if I never followed up with that candidate? Well, then I’ve left that candidate hanging, potentially feeling anxiety, and feeling that I have poor job skills…which would be correct. One reason I make an impeccable recruiter is that I follow up to provide closure and respect to the candidate’s time, consideration, and existence.
Using the analogy of ‘recruiter’, in my professional life, I am professional – I am respectful, courteous, compassionate, empathetic, a good listener, and I possess integrity. In short, I treat job candidates with the utmost regard and respect. I also behave this way in my personal life. How I treat humans in my professional life is how I treat them in my personal life. So, I ask you this – in your professional life are you “professional”? If you are professional in your professional life, then do you bring your professionalism to your personal life? Is professionalism who you are or is professionalism a mask you begrudgingly wear? Or do you lack professionalism all-together?
When Someone Rejects You…
If someone rejects you, what does that say about you? If you are asking that question, then you are viewing from the wrong perspective, because when a person rejects you, it’s not about you; it’s about them – their “emotional dollars”, their energy expenditure, the available time they have in their day, or their personal preferences.
Everyone has personal preferences and there is no person who can prefer everyone. Natural selection is a law of life, which rules all living things, including you and me.
I reject people and people reject me. You reject people and people reject you – It’s okay. Rejection is a part of life. Rejection is about finding the right fit for you in all aspects of your life; however, as you reject others remember to reject with respect and integrity, to honor yourself and to honor others.
It’s important to remember that rejection itself is not a measure of inherent value, but rather a natural part of life’s journey. It can serve as a catalyst for growth, pushing us to reassess, refine, and ultimately emerge stronger and more resilient. Embracing rejection as a steppingstone rather than a stumbling block is key to harnessing rejection’s transformative power and moving forward with renewed determination and refined purpose. Last, how you handle rejection is a measure of your inherent character, therefore…remember to be an honorable bestower of and recipient of rejection.
New Zen Vigor 
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