What is emotional reactivity?
During my childhood, my mother and father were volatile/violent daily. I lived in fear, a heightened state of alertness called ‘hypervigilance’. Even when I was alone, in my own little world, I was aware that at some point of the day I would be confronted with threat. When that threat appeared, I had seconds to react to avoid harm. This operant conditioning, learned behavior, habit, and fear-derived reflex, was my reality for years to come.
As an adult, I encountered people (e.g., strangers, managers, co-workers, lovers, friends) who responded to stress like my parents had, and I reacted the way I was conditioned, like a puppet with strings. I was unaware that I (and the people around me) were out-of-control.
In 2010, I read Melodie Beattie’s book, “Codependent No More.” I began to understand the correlation between my childhood and my adulthood. For years, I searched/studied/practiced every behavioral technique I could find to reverse my maladaptive pattern, and I reaped positive results.
Today, I can feel calm in the midst of stressful events. I can observe chaotic situations and chaotic people without stepping into the chaos. I am able to pause/reflect/consider/respond even when others pressure me to react. I know that despite my external environment I have a choice to take my time, center my mind, and weigh my options. It’s like having a superpower to calmly observe frenzied events in slow-motion. Having self-control is better for everyone even though those who only know chaos would like to pull you back into their madness, because chaos is their conditioned comfort zone.
Conclusion
Do you pull others into emotional drama? Are your emotions easily triggered? Do you crave drama? If so, you are struggling with the emotional reactive element of codependency, which can be overcome. You ‘can’ cut the strings, be free, and enjoy peaceful living.
New Zen Vigor 
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